Expectations

Her expectations didn't quite hold up.

He was cold. 

He remains cold, to her, to life, to strangers, to friends, to experiences, and most importantly- to adventure.

The fantasy is crushed, crumbled, and yet, continuous.

She yearns for more, she needs to believe there is more.

Her ever-sustaining wishes and hopes carry her.

They carry her quietly and close over her heart.

They close over her heart like naïve and youthful dreams.

Dreams which blind and pull her further towards misguided expectations.

These sorts of expectations are no longer justifiable. 

Cheers to Them || Here

Sometimes, there aren't enough thanks given.
Sometimes, you forget the origins of it all, and what scarred the path to your current state of being.
Sometimes, a simple reflection and thanks is in order.
So here's to the absentee father, a mystical figure in an imaginary fog.
Here's to the entitled mother, a churner of the wheel behind all our darkest secrets.
Here's to the stranger, a bearer of the gift of random misery.
Here's to the best friend who lies, cheats, steals, mocks, destroys!
A big cheers is in order to such a friend- a figure who stalks our Happy Moments and slays them with a smile.
Here's to the boss, a face with tints of blue, roadmap veins in the forehead, and a self righteous snarl.
Here's to The One. Maybe The One who got away. The One who stayed. The One who left. The One who didn't have just One. The One who brought you down. The One who made a fool of you, an addict of you, a nonbeliever out of you.
Here's to The One, a sole driving source of all that fell apart, while being the source of what pulled it into place.
Yet sometimes, these faces, people, names, are all heroes.
A thanks is in order. A thanks!
They brought you Here. Here is a beginning. Here is a source of power, joy, and most importantly, self discovery.
Grasp hold of the Here.
-AEF

The Slightest Push

Insecurity spotting.
Eyes batting.
Now-- eyes dropping.
Lip licking.
Bravery spouting. Slowly. Slowly.
Words fluttering.
Dancing around the thoughts that are formed.
Passing between the truth, and what is easiest to speak out.
Stems twisting long amber strands of hair.
Your encouragement is given through a smile.
An ever so slight, carefully still, smile.

In the end, that was all the encouragement I needed.
That slight, careful smile.
It took me. Took hold of me.
I am indebted to that smile.

Truth emerging.
Secrets flowing.
Finally-- trust forming.
-AEF

Motionless in Motion

Thousands and thousands of miles to go.
You apply some pressure to gain speed while I beg you to slow.
My smile is missing, there is fog in my eyes,
My soul is worn on my face as you fail to emphasize.
Drenched in an invisible sweat, I sit very still,
You're a mad man with my heart and you race on for the thrill.
Summer is now autumn, a cold day with hard kisses of rain,
It is all the same to you, dear, there's only one thought in your brain.

You inhale. I exhale. We are motionless as we move.

-AEF

Bright

A chance encounter turned into forever, a gaze turned into love.
You drew near to me, pulled me in, and kissed me from above.
My heart is yours to cherish, my love is yours to forever keep,
And even when you are away, back into your arms will I always creep.
You gained my trust with kindness, you always are sincere,
You always guide me back to you while vanquishing my fear.

You are my baby darling, you are my joy and light,
And as I face our future, it is simply nothing but bright.

-AEF

Night Waltz

Shadows drip across the walls and my swaying is in vain,
Evening does not bring you near and my motions are all the same.
The quiet overpowers me and the silence pulls my hair,
I am dancing by myself tonight, and nightfall seems not to care.
It feels so long since your hand lead mine and pulled me into your chest,
Yet now as I yearn to twirl with you, my head cannot find that place to rest.
These evenings have lengthened tenfold, now that you are away,
My movements are so bitter now, as in vain I sway.

-AEF

My Fall

The only fall I ever had peace with was one I will never forget.
Not once did I worry, not once did my soul start to fret.
It was not a darkness that I fell to, but rather peace and light,
My heart was soaring as it fell, knowing that this was right.
The fall happened fast, as all falls do, pulling me off my feet.
For this fall, my eyes were open, so as to not miss a beat.
My destination was no pit, no harmful ground, no hardened square of floor.
This fall was an enabler, and a firm release allowing my heart to soar.
My testament to this fall's goodness are these very words from my opened soul,
For it was a single encounter with Fate which allowed Destiny to play a role.
This fall was one of a kind and the only that shall ever take place.
It began with a single smile, a trade of a name and a uniquely handsome face.
This fall was unexpected yet perfectly right and new,
This fall was one that was glorious because I fell, only for you. 

-AF

Life

Tragically beautiful, quietly inspirational. It begins with the parting of the lips, the first expansion of the lungs.

A universal experience that is universally unique.

Driven by sorrow, laughter, madness.

Fueled by hope, dreams, relations.

An inhalation, an exhalation. They bring forth moments completely private, to be shared by one, with few, or with many.

Words can break us, silence can destroy us, laughter can renew us, people can inspire us, thoughts can provoke us, dreams can ignite us, our hopes will define us.

Vibrant colors, sweet kisses, and bright candles on our cake remind us of this universal gift.

Copious amounts of celebration peppered by extraordinary pain, lit by threads of laughter, laced together by the people whom we love, create this.

This tragically beautiful, quietly inspirational, thing called life. 

-AEF

Failed Recovery

I remember when we laughed as one, I remember when we met.

I can't seem to get past them, the moments I can't forget.

Days go by and time goes on, as it seems to do.

But all the time in the world won't lead me back to you.

The Black Box

The quiet church is draped with a coat of shadows, adorned with a still darkness.
Futile squeezes of the hand bring no comfort for what has been lost.
One, two, three dear friends rise to spread their tales of what once was.
A family, seated up front, three fatherless children, stare into their laps.
One mother, all alone, the role of Dad cast upon her.
Not even Thor's Hammer could pound an emotion from my face of stone.
My mind manages to collapse into itself somehow, into a place that is silent.
Waves of colorful, yet somehow muted flowers, rippled with candle accents distract from what rests in the center of the room.
Blank faces reveal no news except for despair, and crumbled tissues pepper the floor between the pews.
The hunched backs of strangers appear defeated, crushed by an unseen force.
My eyes catch the eyes of a nameless face in the reflection of that box.
That shiny black box, gathering the attention of everyone in the church.
The nameless face and I look away from each other, yearning instead for the eyes we will never meet again.

-A.F.

Shadows

the most curious things go on in my head.

they replay over and over and over.

even the shadows which chase these things sometimes catch up.

these shadows engulf, consume, chase me.

these things are memories, once reality, now vanquished in time.

time does not let these memories fade, mind you.

they are constantly trailing my mind, my soul, my heart.

deep into me they pour, taking me into the fog with them.

i see these memories in my head, over and over.

the memories and their shadows show me what was, what is now,

and,

what will continue to haunt my heart.

-A.E.F.

To whom it may concern:

These works are figments of my imagination, murmurs from my mind.
All are written by me, unless credit is given otherwise.

Please enjoy them.

-A.F.